At the outset of Sarah and Jason’s formal, long-term commitment, each partner took on specific responsibilities that seemed to be expected and permanent. Clearly, now it was time for a renegotiation of their situation to determine how modifications might be made to accommodate both partners as individuals, and to help continue to nurture their seemingly healthy relationship. Although Sarah and Jason did not have an “official” written contract at the beginning of their relationship, they had made a verbal agreement as to how their roles and responsibilities would be carried out.

Now, let’s look at another scenario. Beth and Kevin…

Image by Rob Schwartz from Pixabay

For decades, I was on an intense search for “the one”-that soul mate who would make my lackluster life sparkle and glow with eternal love, happiness and joy, just by his very presence. If I could just find that rare bird, we would live in peace and harmony forever, and, someday, celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. Family and friends would cheer us on to wedded bliss until, inevitably, death did us part.

My very first true love-who became my first husband when I was just 18-surely seemed like “the one.” He swept me off my feet and I ecstatically thought…

Image by klimkin from Pixabay

By now, although most of us have heard the term “gaslighting,” we may not know exactly what it means. Although the expression originated over eighty years ago, it just recently made a resurgence into the common vernacular.

In 1938, British dramatist Patrick Hamilton wrote the play Gas Light that featured a middle-class London couple, Jack and Bella Mannington. The first act opens one late afternoon. Bella is obviously deeply upset and anxious. Her husband’s unsympathetic and reproachful attitude toward her emotions only amplifies her distress. …

How to keep relationships strong — despite living in close quarters.

Due to the COVID-19 Shelter-in-Place constraints the world has been collectively living in for several weeks, a new relationship dynamic is developing. And it may have permanent effects (both positive and negative) on couples, as well as families.

We are now confined to a space 24/7 with our family unit, whatever that looks like. For most of us, this is an uncommon occurrence. We are used to having an individual routine that does not focus on concentrated togetherness.

And yet, here we are in a new world. To make…

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

I never dreamed in a million years that someone with whom I had had a romantic relationship, much less a marriage, would pass away at a relatively young age. Okay, he was middle-aged, but still seemed young to me. So, one can imagine how stunned I was to hear the unexpected and sad news, from a third party, that my previous husband had died.

After I took some time to digest the information I had received literally “out of the blue,” I started asking myself the following questions:

How did this happen?

Had he been ill?

Was he involved in…

Serial marriers and relationship repeaters often get caught in the numbers game as they attempt to rationalize their many failed relationships to family, friends, strangers and, yes…even to themselves. Most of them are simply trying to find the “right” partner with whom they can share their life’s journey. However, these well-intentioned individuals often end up simply trading one set of problems for a brand new set each time they switch partners. Eventually, they get stuck in the old relationship turnstile and can’t seem to find their way out. …

As we all know, money is a primary source of discord in many relationships. Conflicts often arise about how to spend our money, as well as how much money we should save. But when we look deeper into the topic, we discover that, at their heart, conflicts over money aren’t really about the number of dollars in a couple’s financial stash. Instead, these arguments have a much more emotional component: they actually reflect our hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and inadequacies. Money is a source of personal power, since it truly influences what we can and cannot do in our life.

I recently celebrated my fifth wedding anniversary — with my fifth husband! After a string of committed relationships, over the course of a long journey, followed by intense self-reflection and acknowledgment of often-painful lessons learned, I finally trusted myself to say yes to yet another committed relationship. I truly hoped this would be my last marriage and so far, so good.

As a publicly professed “reformed” Multiple Marrier (meaning someone who has been married 3 or more times), I am proud to say that I had avoided walking down the aisle for 13-plus years. …

I recently read an article entitled Foreign Spouse, Happy Life by Lauren Collins. The writer gave us a glimpse into the inner workings of her bi-national marriage. Her comments struck a chord with me in that my husband, Christian, was born abroad. He had an American mother and a Swedish father, and spent his childhood and early adulthood in Sweden before moving to the U.S. He then moved to Australia and eventually back to the US.

I’m especially grateful he returned to the U.S., because that’s when he met me… 11-+ years ago. We’ve been married 5 years, and our…

Online dating. For many, those two words make them cringe while for others, it is the new normal.

Believe it or not, matchmaking websites first hit the dating scene in 1995 (yes, almost 25 years ago!) with the launch of The popularity of online dating surged among Millennials who had grown up with technology at their fingertips and were entering the brave new world of socializing, virtually.

These days, using websites and smartphone apps to find love has become socially acceptable among all ages. No longer is online dating associated with the stigma of being desperate and lonely.


Pamela Evans

Relationship Strategist, Pam Evans, is the author of Ring EXchange — Life Lessons from a Multiple Marrier.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store